How do you know when your best friend is just a friend, and how do you know when that ‘friend’ has become more than just the person you share your secrets with, but the person you want to own secrets with? Moving from friendship to a relationship can be tricky, and doesn’t always work. But when it does work, it is one of the best relationships you will ever experience, if not the last relationship you commit to. That’s right, I’m talking marriage.
But really, how DO you know that the time is right to move your friendship to the next level?
Of course, all relationships depend on how they began, the type of person you are, the type of person your partner (to-be) is, and whether or not you are both suited for one another. However, there are a few things you can do, or make sure not to do in the early stages of friendship and puppy love to ensure that this is love, not just friendship with one-sided love.
First of all, how long have you known this person? New blossoming relationships are completely different to friends who have known one another for years, and practically grown up together. If you are in a new friendship, where you have both bonded quickly, be careful as you won’t know the person as well as the latter.
When you start to hear those thoughts, small at first, and feel them niggling away inside your brain, don’t ignore them. Understandably, many people don’t want to ruin their friendship or risk everything in case it doesn’t work out, but it is much better to face these thoughts than to just hide them away. If you hide them away they may come in between you and your friend, which is something neither of you will want.
When you pick up the courage to face these thoughts, really listen to what they are saying to you. Are they simple thoughts of ‘I wonder how John kisses?’ or are they more profound? Let these thoughts go around your head, even just while you lie in bed at night and see how you feel about them being said. Does it feel wrong or weird, or does it feel nice to see this person in a different light? This is the first step to knowing whether or not you do have deeper feelings for your pal.
It’s easy to get side-tracked by people, especially when you have a best friend who people expect you to get with. Don’t base any of your decisions on what other people are telling you, base them on what you feel yourself. If you and your friend constantly joke about being together when people say it, think- are you joking because the idea is preposterous or are you both joking about it because secretly you both want the subject to be brought to attention?
Now, once you have dealt with the thoughts and decided whether you really like the person or not, move onto looking at the person you are thinking about. Do you both act like a couple? Do you hug or hold hands a lot, perhaps more than other friends seem to? Do you cuddle during movies? Is there much touching in general between the two of you? And more importantly, if you do experience any of these things, when did they start? If it has always been like that it is possible that that’s just the type of friendship you have, or it is likely that your friend feels something for you too. And, more importantly, when you’re with them do you want to hold hands or cuddle.
When you both go out next see how you act around one another. Seeing your friend and yourself act on impulses (holding hands, whispering, cuddling together) while under the influence might show you what they are thinking about too. Of course I’m not saying go out and get drunk, but think back and see if there was anything that made you wonder the morning after you went out.
When you have figured out properly how you feel about your friend, and have an idea about how they feel about you too, think truthfully about whether or not you would want to be with them. Would they make you happy? Would you make them happy? Don’t forget that there are two people in the mix and you won’t just be playing with your own feelings.
Once you have this figured out you have to think about whether or not you want to talk to your friend about these feelings. How do you think your friend will take it? Do you want to risk it?
One Year, One Girl 